Well, on top of the Pokerstars fiasco of the last several weeks (which has been temporarily resolved, I hope permanently soon...), a lot has been going on. Last week was one of the worst weeks that I've had in a long time. Physically, emotionally, psychologically. It all came down on me at once and I really had a lot of trouble getting through it, and I think the recent experiences have helped answer a lot of questions for me, and give me a bit more focus as to what I need now to help me figure out stuff later.
College is really a big strain on me right now....fake social relationships, my personal issues with the idea of contemporary America's 'big public state university' that has screwed me and thousands of others over for years running, my issues with my actual field of study and the occupational implications of the future. So many things. Sooo many things. It got to a point where I realized that I needed a break. School is important enough to me that I know I want a degree for freedom of choices later that might require one. I think the idea of today that people go to college just because it's convenient or considered standard or normal though, is completely insane.
People should go to college because it's right for their life goals and choices and what they believe is 'right' for them, however they define it. Intelligence is not and should not be defined by a college degree. Some of the most brilliant people ever had never even experienced formal education much less university/upper level education. It's just so insane that it has turned into what it is today. While it's certainly right for me to finish, it's not right for me to finish now. I need a break to ensure that I will want to finish when the time comes. I know that doesn't sound right but, if I stay and keep going the way things are, I have a strong feeling that I'm not going to be able to make it. I want to do this so that I can take some 'me' time, and also put in stuff that I think I need to do later in addition to the stuff I want to do now. I don't want to go into too many specifics but that's a lot of the general situation.
As for the next step...well, muscling out this next 6 weeks+ of school. I'll be headed to europe to see my sister and hang with family and friends in Greece and Israel for the holidays in the middle of April, and just trying to end the semester strongly before and after. After that....well, my first call after leaving my parents' house tonight to tell them of my plans was to my friend Rob (Bobbofitos) to book a room at Chet Bobbo for a single queen sized bed for 6 weeks in Las Vegas, NV. Thaaaat's right, VEGAS BABY! I'm headed back for 6 weeks this summer and going to make it an even sicker time than the amazing experiences I had of our month out there last summer (especially finally being 21!). After that, we'll see...I'm bouncing around some ideas :)
That's all for now- I'm exhausted and have an early wakeup and a somewhat full day tomorrow. Hopefully, at least starting after school ends for the term, I'll be updating this thing with more regularity. Thanks for reading.
6 months ago